Life Transitions
No matter the change, it’ll shock your mind and body.
Change is a part of life that is constant and unavoidable. Even when changes are positive or planned, they have a significant effect on us.
And while some people seem to transition gracefully, others may feel like their lives are falling apart.
Job changes…
This is often a tough time for people regardless if they got a promotion or lost a job. You may feel happy and scared about a promotion – you might also worry that you are not “good enough” for the new position.
What happens if I can’t perform the way they want me to?
The embarrassment of losing a job can take a toll on a person, too.
Breakups and divorce…
Adjusting to being single can be challenging – even if you wanted the divorce or breakup. The range of emotions that come up might surprise you.
One day you are happy enjoying your freedom. Then you see or hear something that reminds you of the person, and you are crying, considering reaching out to see if you two can get back together.
What am I thinking?
A professional can help you navigate this trying time.
Marriage and blended families…
So, you’re married now. You are supposed to feel happy, but you aren’t sure why you don’t. Your family and friends celebrated with you, and everyone had a good time. Now what? You can’t seem to put your finger on why you feel sad and have such low energy.
Transitions can take a lot of energy. Perhaps you thought blending your family would go more smoothly. You planned for all the possible challenges, and it still seems to be chaotic.
Birth/terminated pregnancy…
“What a wonderful time this is,” said no one after two months of four hours of sleep a night. Your bundle of joy is cute and adorable, and you feel fortunate to have your little one.
There is also the part you weren’t prepared for. There’s uncertainty you feel as a parent. Conflicting information you get from doctors and family about raising a newborn, the physical pain you still feel, and not feeling like your body belongs to you adds a layer of stress that can cast a dark cloud over this time in your life.
If you terminated a pregnancy, this could be a complicated transition. Whether or not it was an unexpected pregnancy, it was a tough, heart-wrenching decision to make. You will need non-judgmental care, understanding, and support.
Death…
When you lose someone close, especially if it is unexpected, you feel a range of emotions. There’s the relief that they aren’t suffering anymore to guilt for feeling relief, sadness that they are gone, gratitude that you had someone in your life like that, and even fears about your mortality. It is a lot to deal with, which confuses you, on top of all the other emotions.
Health problems…
New or chronic health problems create stress – even if the diagnosis isn’t terminal. Adjusting to your illness is a process. Most people are in denial before they come to accept their situation. That process will take time.
You might blame yourself or wonder, “Why me?”
During this transition, you don’t have to figure out your thoughts or emotions alone.
Moving…
Perhaps you just moved into your dream house down the street or had to move across the country for a job. Maybe it was your choice to move or perhaps not.
Regardless of why you moved, it can cause a lot of uncertainty and stress, negatively affecting your mood. Just trying to find the grocery and gas station is enough to make you want to scream some days – right?
School changes…
Starting school, ending school, graduating… can all contribute to stress and uncertainty. You were focused on school for so long that now it almost feels like something is missing. It is supposed to be a happy time when you graduate, but now what?
What if I fail or don’t get a job after I graduate? Will it have been a waste?
You worry if people will see you as a failure.
The uncertainty of change can leave you feeling uncertain of yourself.
You may go through emotional or physical discomfort, mourning, or fear during these times, leaving you feeling overwhelmed, anxious, and even depressed.
Sometimes the emotions seem to stack on top of one another… to where you don’t even know WHAT you are feeling. This is overwhelming.
You don’t know how the future is supposed to look. Where should you direct your focus?
You might think you should handle this, especially if you chose the change in your life. But, despite your best efforts, the “mind-over-matter” approach to coping with the effects of change isn’t working anymore.
Perhaps you’re saying to yourself, “Other people have gone through something like this, and they are fine!” Well, life transitions are personal to each person’s experience, and what may seem like a “big transition” to one person may not feel that way to someone else… and this is completely normal!
And uncertainty about the future takes a toll…
When you feel overwhelmed and your mind races, you have trouble concentrating, and it’s hard to find joy in life. You might even feel a little panicky inside, sensing your heart beating fast as though you’re in a race to get everything figured out. You can’t sleep, you are worried, and your palms seem sweaty all the time. The thoughts won’t stop, and it feels unbearable. “Why me?” you might be asking.
Your emotions are unpredictable. You cry or wish you could because you feel numb. Maybe you’re mad… but not sure if you’re MAD or something else.
Are you drinking more so you don’t have to feel or think? Feeling sad and depressed?
Your appetite is non-existent, or you are eating everything you know you shouldn’t. Maybe you binge-watch TV or play games because you don’t know what else to do.
You avoid people because you don’t want to talk about it. Or, you wish someone would ask about it because you need to talk about it (but only when YOU feel like it). You may feel empty inside and all alone, yet you don’t have the energy to socialize and prefer to hide from everyone.
Maybe you feel ashamed for struggling to find joy in something that’s supposed to be a “good thing” in your life. You know you should be thankful for your good fortune, but now you’re wondering if you are an ungrateful person.
“This is a wonderful change in my life, so why do I feel miserable?”
You thought you would feel happier about this. This is a wonderful change, but your mood doesn’t seem to match. You are sad or even depressed and crying.
Maybe I shouldn’t have made this change.
You feel so very lost and alone.
There is hope! Therapy can help you get through this…
The key to getting through emotionally challenging life changes is to develop healthy coping mechanisms. This will prepare you for your current and future life transitions.
These will be our areas of focus in therapy:
Stress Management
Using solution-focused techniques, we will identify your top priorities. Solution-focused principles help you determine what is most important. By eliminating the focus on those things that don’t get you closer to your goals, you will have less confusion and have less stress.
We will look at your values to identify if you are on track with what is most important in your life. We will also consider what activities bring you joy and the activities that don’t help you find a balance between what you have to do and what you want to do.
Emotions
Sometimes, you don’t know what you are feeling because many emotions are happening simultaneously. In therapy, we will clarify, understand, and balance your emotions. Most people can’t name what emotions they are feeling at any given time.
You will learn about your emotions and emotional patterns, possibly for the first time in your life, and what types of action to take to help you better navigate your emotional world.
Healthy Routines
During a stressful time, a routine can help you feel more in control of the situation – especially when your internal and external circumstances seem chaotic. When change happens, people often lose energy to keep up their routines.
We will focus some effort here to make sure you are still eating enough meals a day, tending to your home and self, and getting some fresh air instead of just binge-watching tv and avoiding the things you know would help you feel better. I will help you plan what you need to do and be an accountability partner to complete the goals you have set for yourself.
Social Interaction
We will identify ways you can add support to your life. Sometimes all this requires is to ask for it effectively… or it might mean learning how to set boundaries with people who are not being supportive. We can develop skills for both scenarios.
Realistic Expectations
We will make sure you are not adding additional negative emotions to the situation by harboring unrealistic expectations of yourself, others, or your circumstances.
I know you are a hard worker, you stay busy, and you probably have high expectations. Sometimes high expectations can weigh a person down and add more stress than you realize.
Let’s explore your expectations to ensure you aren’t hurting yourself with your expectations.
Acceptance
Accepting a change is not the same as agreeing with what happened. Often people want to accept something, so they can “move on” but don’t know how. Sometimes it takes time, and you don’t have a lot of control over it.
Often you can work in therapy to find the acceptance of the situation you need. Sometimes you must look at a situation from more than one perspective to make sense of it. I can help you with that.
All these areas of focus overlap and work together – they are often interwoven in how they help you heal and adapt. It will take time to adjust to what life brings, but these strategies can help lighten the initial shock of the change and ease your transition to a “new normal.”
Wouldn’t you like to feel more peace?
Therapy can help you gain some mastery over your situation, so you feel more in control… instead of fearful, hurt, or angry.
Most people are in denial before they come to accept their situation mentally and emotionally. If you aren’t sure what I mean by mentally and emotionally, therapy can help you get some clarity on your situation more quickly than going it alone.
Are you judging yourself for feeling the way you do? You can stop that now. It won’t help to judge yourself – you already feel down. If you aren’t sure how to change this type of thinking, I will show you how.
You probably think you should know how to get through this type of transition and that you are weak because you can’t seem to bounce back. I want you to know that you aren’t weak. You are human. Therapy can help you bounce back more quickly than trying to figure this out on your own, especially if this is the first time you have been through whatever transition you are experiencing.
In times like these – confusing, challenging times…
…it helps to work with a professional to navigate the road ahead.
You need the “right” professional, and making sure we are a “good fit” is essential. It will also require your commitment to show up, do the work, and be patient with yourself during the process. I am there to help guide you through every step of it.
During our 15-minute consultation call, I will ask you questions to see what you are looking for, and you can ask me questions, too. By the end of the call, you and I will know if working together makes sense for both of us, and we will schedule the first session.
Imagine what your life will look like after you have learned tools, healed, and gotten past these challenges. It will be worth it.
Are you ready to feel better?
Reach out today, and let’s talk about how I can guide you through this: (720) 466-5667.